Memories
by Niamara
Summary: [LJ oneshot] So this was what it felt like—raw pain in her chest, vision blurred by tears and her throat feeling so constricted that Lily was gasping for air. After seven years at Hogwarts, she really should have expected this.


_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Harry Potter, the characters, or these songs.

Inspired by:  
_I Try_ – Macy Gray  
_Because You Loved Me_ – Celine Dion

**Memories **

So this was what it felt like—raw pain in her chest, vision blurred by tears and her throat feeling so constricted that Lily was gasping for air. After seven years at Hogwarts, she really should have expected this. She felt more at home here than anywhere else, and leaving Hogwarts was so difficult.

Lily looked around her room, her eyes catching certain items: her Head Girl badge with the tiny dent on the side (she smiled sadly, remembering how, almost a year ago, she had thrown her badge across her compartment on the Hogwarts Express and announced her refusal to be Head Girl upon learning James was to be Head Boy); the skirt she had worn on her first date with James; the gorgeous bracelet he had given her for her birthday; the shirt of his she sometimes used as bedclothes; and a picture of Lily and her best friend, Alice, at the beginning of seventh year. Alice was one of the only people or things that had stayed constant in all their years at Hogwarts.

A knock on the door brought Lily back from her reverie.

"Lily?" James poked his head around her door. "Hey, are you done packing yet? We've only got today left…"

"Not yet," Lily whispered, leaning over to pick up her favourite stuffed bear.

"Lily, are you okay?" James asked, concerned. He went to sit on the edge of his girlfriend's bed.

"I just—" Lily swallowed, looking at James. "I just don't want to leave Hogwarts. It's my home, now that mum and dad have…" she trailed off, leaving out what Lily and James both knew. Lily had received an owl a few weeks previously informing her of her parents' deaths.

"Oh, Lils," James said sympathetically, pulling her into his lap. "I don't want to leave any more than you do. I've had the best and worst times of my life in this castle! It's been my home for the past seven years, too, but now our lives are really starting, and we can help Dumbledore with the Order a lot more than we ever could at school. Don't you want to try and help prevent more of what happened to your parents?"

"Yes, sighed Lily, her head on his chest. "It's just that Hogwarts has so many memories, and we won't ever be able to come back."

A solitary tear slid down Lily's cheek, which James wiped away with his thumb.

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, Lils. We'll just have to work extra hard after Hogwarts to make new memories," James grinned, "and savour what we can now."

James bounded off to his room, returning with the camera he had received for his birthday. "I was saving it for something special," he said, "and I think this is pretty special. Here," he said, giving her the camera.

"James, what are you doing?" Lily laughed, watching him pick up the bracelet he had given her for her birthday and offer it to Lily again. She reached out to take it, but James drew the bracelet back. Lily frowned, confused.

"You're supposed to take my picture," he explained, "pretending it's your birthday and I'm just giving it to you. This way we can frame the pictures, and have more than the memories in our heads."

Lily smiled, tearing up again. James was so sweet. "Okay," she said, blinking back her tears. "Ready?"

"Yeah," James replied, striking a pose. Lily laughed, snapping the picture.

"What next?" she asked.

"How about a couple of you with your things?" James suggested.

"All right," she agreed, putting on her robe, Head Girl badge and grabbing her favourite teddy bear. "Where should I pose?"

James considered this for a moment. "By the window," he finally said. "The sun coming in brings out the gold in your hair."

Lily smiled, positioning herself in the reading nook in front of the window. She leaned against the wall and stretching her les out in front of her.

"Something looks wrong," James muttered. He tapped his chin for comical effect.

Lily giggled. "What looks wrong?"

"I don't know…" James said, looking around the room for inspiration. "Aha!" he exclaimed, catching sight of a book. "Lily Evans, Head Girl, straight 'O' student, would not be gazing aimlessly out a window, wasting time," he announced, handing her the book.

Lily's eyes glittered. "Too true," she grinned, opening the book.

James put the camera back to his eyes, adjusting the angle to get the best view of Lily.

"Wait!" she cried suddenly.

"Yes?"

"Well, this picture, hypothetically speaking, wouldn't it be after my birthday? There's no snow outside."

"Sure," James shrugged. "What does that matter?"

"Shouldn't I be wearing my bracelet?"

James smiled; she never missed anything. "Yes, Miss Lily," he said formally. "Your bracelet, Miss Lily."

"Thank you, Master James." She slipped on the bracelet, going back to her pose. She turned her nose up in mock arrogance.

James laughed. Lily grinned, too, her eyes twinkling. She turned back to her original position, unable to keep the grin off her face, and James took the photo.

And so the day progressed: James and Lily picked several special occasions they remembered—Christmas, Easter, end of exams—and recreated scenes for their pictures. They included their friends, who were more than willing to help, and everyone transfigured their robes into other articles of clothing whenever necessary, so they weren't wearing the same clothes in every photo. Then they took the photos that could have been the spur-of-the-moment pictures: lying in the sun, laughing in the common room, silly looks. All of them even went outside and, with a combined effort, transformed one corner of the courtyard into fall, winter, and spring atmospheres, so they could also have relaxing pictures of each season. Each detail was carefully looks after: the laves of the trees changing colour, falling off and slowly growing back; appropriate amounts of snow on the ground; and adjusting their clothes for the season, which worked well for winter when they all looked red from the raw wind and cold, when in reality they were boiling from the heat of the winter cloaks.

Finally, after restoring the corner of the courtyard to its original state, they all stumbled back to the castle, their stomachs rumbling as if they had forgotten to eat for a week instead of a day. They made it into the Great Hall just in time for the start of the Leaving Feast, much to the delight of Sirius, who immediately began inhaling his food.

Lily half-heartedly winkled her nose, too happy to be properly disgusted. "And girls find that attractive, she wondered out loud in disbelief.

Sirius looks up and grinned, shaking his hair out of his eyes. Through her peripheral vision, Lily saw at least four female heads glance over. Sirius winked at one, turning back to Lily. "Apparently." He grinned again before turning back to his food.

"Don't worry, Lily," Remus said, actually chewing and swallowing his food before speaking. "It's a mystery to the rest of us, too."

Lily laughed, but Sirius appeared to not have heard, or just didn't care, as he didn't even glance up from his dinner at the comment.

All too soon, Dumbledore stood, intending to make his parting speech. Lily saw his lips move, and the gestures he made, but she heard nothing of what she was sure was a beautiful speech. Her eyes brimmed with tears again as she saw her beloved Headmaster, whom she would never regard the same way again. Every encounter after tonight would see them in the Order of the Phoenix, an organization set on destroying Lord Voldemort, a rising dark wizard. He was the one responsible for her parents' deaths…

Lily felt a hand encompass hers, squeezing it lightly. She looked up to see James, smiling encouragingly. Lily smiled a watery smile back, resting her head on his shoulder.

Soon, the rest of the students began getting up, clearly having been dismissed. Lily rose stiffly, still holding James' hand. The others chattered happily while she walked along silently, her thoughts elsewhere.

Suddenly, Lily felt her foot sinking. She looked down; she had been so immersed in her thoughts that she had forgotten to skip the trick step.

James felt Lily stop moving and looked around. He grinned, seeing half of her leg stuck in the step. Walking back down to her, he grabbed her elbow and lifted her out, taking her hand again.

"Thanks," she half-smiled as they caught up with the others.

All too soon, they were standing in front of the Head common room.

"'Night, Lils!" Alice said brightly, hugging her best friend.

"'Night, Al," Lily said, a lump forming in her throat.

Lily watched incredulously as the Marauders jovially said goodnight and turned to walk with Alice up to Gryffindor Tower.

"Wait!" she called. Everyone turned to look at her. Lily cleared her throat. "Am I the only one who's sad it's our last night here?" Lily asked, her voice an octave higher. To her embarrassment, her eyes were watery again.

"Aw, Lils, come here," Alice said. She gently coaxed Lily away from a bewildered James, who went to stand with his friends, all of whom, save Remus, wore the same expression.

"I j-just don't want to l-leave," Lily sniffed into Alice's shoulder.

"Oh, I know, sweetie," Alice soothed, rubbing Lily's back. "You know what?"

"What?" Lily asked thickly.

"I propose a slumber party."

Lily looked up, her eyes bright. "That's a great idea" she smiled. "We can all sleep in the Head dorm," she suggested, looking over at the Marauders.

"Sure."

"Yeah."

"Of course."

"Great," they agreed, relieved no one was crying anymore.

"I'll get the food," Sirius volunteered.

"I'll go with you," James offered.

"We just ate! We just had a _feast_."

"Growing boys need their food, Lilikins," Sirius winked, before disappearing under the Invisibility Cloak James had just pulled from his robes.

"Brilliant," grinned Lily. She muttered the password and walked into the Head dorm with Alice, Remus and Peter following.

By the time James and Sirius got back (with more food than it seemed they could carry), Lily, Alive, Remus and Peter had moved the furniture to the sides of the room, leaving only a table in the middle for the good, conjured sleeping bags, lit the fireplace and changed into pajamas.

"I hope you don't mind," Remus said as they entered. "I borrowed a pair of your pants."

"Yeah, that's fine," James said nonchalantly, putting the food and Butterbeer down on the table.

"This was a brilliant idea, Alice," Lily smiled, when James and Sirius had gone to change. "Thanks."

Alice grinned back. "No problem! I was actually planning on asking you to come sleep in our dorm tonight, anyway, and this is much better."

Lily reached for a Butterbeer, handing one to James when he and Sirius came back.

"Nice pajamas," she grinned, eyeing the Quidditch design.

James sighed. "Well, seeing as Remus and Peter took my plain pants, he said, glaring at them, "and Sirius beat me to my blue ones… Well, I got stuck with these. My mum picked them out, but they're comfy and warm," he added defensively.

"I'm sure they are," Lily smiling assumingly, patting his leg.

As everyone laughed, Lily looked around at her friends' bright faces, realizing that tomorrow's goodbye wasn't going to be as difficult—or as permanent—as she had feared.

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**A/N: **Yay! Another fanfic up so soon, and I've got a Lily/Snape one coming really soon, too, if anyone wants to read that. :)

So—review? ;)


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